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I Tapered off My Anti-Depressants as I Was Tired of Always Being Numb
But now I don’t know if my feelings are normal, or if maybe I am depressed…
These things called “feelings”? Gee, they are exhausting.
Having been on anti-depressants on and off (although pretty much “on”) for just over 20 years (kicked off by a nice little bout of PND), I knew that I often had reactions to things that weren’t normal. That were muted. I hardly ever cried. I very rarely laughed out loud, or felt true joy.
Instead, I kind of rolled through the days, weeks, years. Like I had a layer of oil poured over me and I was sliding through life avoiding anything pesky that would upset my chemically induced equilibrium. Teflon me!
As one similarly afflicted friend said to me once — “I knew there was something not right when I heard that a friend had been diagnosed with cancer and I kind of just shrugged and thought “that’s too bad”. She knew she felt bad and sorry for her friend, but it was all kind of intellectual — not a heartfelt pain.
Food for thought.
Yes, we may be avoiding very low lows that could, in some people, have a tragic outcome, but we are also robbing ourselves of the messy reality of life, both good and bad.
